I think one of my biggest takeaways from the pandemic – outside of The United States’ inability to effectively handle a major public health crisis – is the importance of self care. I was stretched far too thin trying to navigate the new landscape of remote learning on top of guiding my family through hours and hours of pandemic coverage blaring through our TVs and I was very hard for me to wake up and go about my days most of the time. I will not say that I learned effective self care during the early pandemic day. I kept telling myself as long as I could tough it out, I’d be able to get through it all and resume my normal life. We’re two years into this thing now and I am 100% certain I will never go back to who I was before Covid-19 entered my life.

I’ve always been a caretaker – the “mom friend”, if you will – and more often than not I’ve found myself putting everyone else in my life before me. So how does one practice self care when you’re used to taking care of everyone else? Here’s some things that I’ve been working on that makes practicing self care a whole lot easier:

1. Start setting boundaries.

It’s time to get comfortable with telling people “no”. As a people pleaser, I often find myself piling more and more onto my day without taking the time to consider whether or not I have the bandwidth to do the things I’m committing to. I think it’s crucial to pinpoint the exact moments when you’re starting to feel worn out. As I’ve experienced from time to time, a break down is bound to happen if you’re constantly piling things onto yourself. The best way to prevent this level is burn out is by setting your own boundaries and not being afraid to give people a hard “no” when you feel like too much is being taken from you.

2. Write down your needs.

I used to think I was a list girl until life started getting in the way and I found myself too busy to write things down. I always feel like my mental notes are enough but sometimes things don’t feel real until they’re written down somewhere that I can visibly see. Instead of keeping mental notes, try to write your needs down on paper. If paper isn’t your style, try writing your needs down in a digital notebook, note app, or word document. It’s easy to push one’s needs to the side when you’re busy taking care of others because you get to SEE their needs – writing your needs down forces you to see your needs as well and acknowledge that they’re really and not something you can leave for later. Once you’re able to fully acknowledge your needs, you’ll be able to create an action list of things you need to do to fulfill them.

3. Ask for help.

This is probably the thing on this list that I struggle with the most. Even at work, my managers are constantly reminding me to ask for help and lean on them when I need it. I’m so used to shouldering the burden on my own, I never think to ask anyone for help when I’m struggling.Caregivers often think that they have to go through it alone but that’s not the case at all. I’m a big fan of the phrase “it takes a village” – you are NOT meant to do everything by yourself. Ask for help when you need it most, whether it be help with something physical, emotional, or mental. Pro tip: don’t think you’re weak for asking for help. Sometimes people are just waiting for the opportunity to do something for you when you’ve done so much for them. You’d be surprised at who will be there to hold some of that weight for you.

4. Speak up!

Sometimes the best form of self care is good communication. I can’t tell you the amount of anger, fear, and sadness that I could save myself from if I simply spoke up earlier and shared my feelings with those around me. However, this is something I struggle with very often. I know I’ve said it before but caretakers really do put a lot of pressure on themselves. This is still something that I struggle with – I have an extremely hard time being vulnerable with others but if someone really cares about you, they will listen to your needs and do their best to help out. And if they don’t, maybe they shouldn’t be in your life.

5. Make Time to Take Care of Yourself.

I’m all about taking some me-time but the things I fill my me-time with often influences how productive the time alone is. For example: I spend most of my days behind a laptop at work. While the idea of relaxing and watching TikToks or even watching a show on my phone might be tempting, sometimes I need something a little different to help me unwind. For the most part, reading a book is my go-to for me time but I might also make an effort to do my physical self-care routine or even some light meditation. It’s worth it to schedule this kind of me-time for yourself on a daily basis because it prevents you from working yourself into the ground. My favorite time to take me-time is at the very end of my day after I’ve clocked out of work, gone to the gym, and did whatever I need to do for my household.

Needless to say, all of these tips are easier said than done and they’re all things that I work on daily. Give yourself grace and understand that there won’t be any changes over night. Take care of yourselves and be well.